ART LESSON # 222 - Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. And that’s okay. I tried 3 times and put a lot of hours in, but it just wasn’t meant to be. No real reason why - I just couldn’t get the details right, couldn’t get the shading to work at all, and in a fit of fury, all 3 canvases (that I HAD planned on reusing) succumbed to artistic rage. ‘Goodybye! Goodbye! Goodbye!’. Smashy smashy. It’s frustrating that, when the thing you do best doesn’t work out & ya can’t figure out why. It’s like a loving, loyal dog all of a sudden turning on it’s master. But, I put these up as a reminder that sometimes in life, even when you really WANT something to work out, it’s not meant to be, and you just let it go and move on to the next thing. (side note - the Edward Scissorhands piece I am working on seems to be inching his way closer and closer to this wall)
Marina Abramovic meets Ulay
“Marina Abramovic and Ulay started an intense love story in the 70s, performing art out of the van they lived in. When they felt the relationship had run its course, they decided to walk the Great Wall of China, each from one end, meeting for one last big hug in the middle and never seeing each other again. at her 2010 MoMa retrospective Marina performed ‘The Artist Is Present’ as part of the show, a minute of silence with each stranger who sat in front of her. Ulay arrived without her knowing it and this is what happened.”
This both breaks my heart and fills it with love. Wow.
So today I am thinking about how frustrated & jealous I have been that those other horror teddy bears are huge right now & getting so much press and such, & I just kinda stopped and changed my perspective on it & thought how good it must feel for that guy who is making them to have his art so…
There are things happening……..scary, yet wonderful things, methinks. Feelings I have no had in a long while, but new this time…very different. Goddamn, keeping my fingers crossed for this. If by some miracle this works out…well…..I will be starting a new, exciting chapter. Hmm. Fuck. Fingers crossed.
“Keep up the good work. And thanks for all the support and inspiration. You are the biggest reason why I have started doing art again. I would give you a hug if you lived closer haha take it easy bro”
A friend said this to me tonight. I have never actually met him in person, but he has bought a painting from me and also owns 3 or 4 of the Quiet Room Bears and we have become friends over the last year or 2 through Facebook. And he recently started painting again. And, I guess, it was because of me. I got to inspire someone to start making art again. I feel TOO lucky for words, I swear. I feel amazing because of that. I’m a really lucky guy. GodDAMN I can feel the changes a-comin’ for me.
My brain fucking hurts. My future could change based on certain decisions and it’s always hard because certain decisions could go rapidly one way or rapidly the other way. And it would be one of those decisions were some people may not agree with you, and could be outright vocally displeased with you, but I suppose, in the end, FUCK those people who don’t support you. It’s true when they say ‘you can’t please everyone’ and it’s also true when they say ‘ opinions are like assholes : everyone has one’. I always tell people ‘trust your gut, not your heart’, but when your GUT is even confused….well then…..that’s fucking hard. That means it’s important. Ugh. Fuck. I hope the aliens show up and blow up the Earth. Then I don’t have to make hard decisions and I will also never be able to pay off my Visa anyway, so go ahead…..blow us up.
‘We must be greater than what we suffer’. That was a line from a deleted scene in the new Spider-Man and damn…I really love that quote, because it’s incredibly true. Its so easy to get lost in sadness or depression. That shit can sink you like an anchor. But it really does come down to a choice. Not an easy one. Sometimes it’s next to impossible, but remember that our thoughts come from our brai
This year has put me through the ringer, emotionally. Then it gets better, then it gets worse, then I start to feel better, then another confusing setback. Always, always, ALWAYS remember NOT to listen to your heart, but listen to your GUT. Our hearts are dreamers and WANTS the best for us. Our gut KNOWS what is actually best for us. It’s our instinct. Our natural spidey-sense. And so so soooo many of us, tune out our gut, even when we know something is wrong, because we WANT the best. Fuck. Through the ringer, I tells ya. It’s bananas how our own stupid emotions can wreck us. When really, it all comes down to choice. If we can CHOOSE to STOP thinking about bad stuff, stop LETTING ourselves be depressed, CHANGE our minds, and steer it into another, BETTER and more PRODUCTIVE direction, then we will really figure out how to master our lives. But goddamn those emotions are powerful sonsa’bitches, ain’t they?
I feel like I have flat lined On the inside. Like in the movies where they pull someone out of the water & they are desperately doing CRP, or like, someone got, I don’t know, electrocuted or something & they aren’t breathing, and they are giving them the paddles or whatever, and this is the waiting peroid. You know they’ll come back alive because they’re the main character of the movie, but it’s. that. few. seconds…..the few where they are in limbo. that quiet time. that uncertain time. That’s where I am. Like when your car won’t start in the cold, cold, fucking winter. And you keep trying it over & over ‘ruh-ruh-ruh-rih-ruh-ruh……..(won’t turn over)…ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh….(won’t turn over). I need that spark back. I feel like Austin Powers in that shitty movie where he lost his mojo. I, too, have lost it. Mojo, motivation, blah blah, other shit, um…not ‘hope’…I have that. Hell, anything & everything is possible, as life is fucking crazy & crazy random shit happens all the time. So who knows. I just need, and WANT, my fucking engine to ‘turn over’. It’s close. Man alive, it’s pretty close. A lot is right, a lot is missing, a lot is needed. I just gotta keep turning the key and pumping the pedal. When shit finally fires up though, goddamn that’ll be a good day. Like when an ice cream headache goes away, and it feels SO GOOD that it’s almost boner worthy and you feel grateful for life. Yeah, that.